Young Doctor Benjamin once was in love
The year was 1982
Ben had all the trappings of happiness- two pairs of sneakers, a Whitesnake album signed by David Coverdale, a Chrysler Cordoba two-tone with landau roof, and an extra fridge in the garage for both his Schmids and his Pabst.
He was a happy young resident, without a care in the world...
Oh, and yes- he also had a wife.
Not just any wife mind you - but the perfect wife. She had the big three:
She was at once Perky, Worky, and Booby.
Jeanette seemed happy too- each day before work she would dutifully fellate Ben- then, without a word - descend to the kitchen to both prepare morning oats and pack tuna and apple for his busy day of hospital rounds.
One morning in April, after performing his post coital ablutions, Benjamin went downstairs to the kitchen only to find Jeanette, moaning, legs akimbo on the butcher block table- apparently having some sort of intimate relations with a large white sturgeon.
Jeanette was a bit older than Ben, as she'd just turned 30. Age changes a woman by then. Sadly, that musty, creepy, stinky, downright evil part of nature makes it so.
Benjamin had never remembered Jean moaning like that. And her bodily paroxysms? This behavior was in none of the modern texts or journals!
Without a word to Jeanette, Benjamin, still in pajamas and robe, got in his Cordoba, drove to the market, got out of his car, proceeded down isles seemingly teeming with Quisp Cereal and Boraxo - and shot the fish monger several times about the head and chest. Ben was not a trained marksman- the result- Human guts and fish guts were everywhere before a quivering Benjamin had returned to a state of relative calm.
He then left the market, got back in his car, popped open a Pabst, put in his 8 track of Roy Orbison, and knew then his life's TRUE calling:
Women are a danger to themselves and others, he concluded... and they must be stopped.
